see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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