nut hugger
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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