U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize