we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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