Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
