He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
