Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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