I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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