So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
