i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize