Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
