i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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