i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You took a bar mat shot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
