you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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