I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
