I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
