where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
