He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
