I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
