my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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