They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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