Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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