Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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