Buhtt sex?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
