Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
