you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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