my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
