He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
