I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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