dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Vodka?
Forever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
