mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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