And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
