what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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