I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
