Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
