The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
