You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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