just tell him i said nine months
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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