Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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