I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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