tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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