I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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