I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
