I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
