So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
