Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize