I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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