I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
