I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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