just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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