Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
