there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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