I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
