dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
