i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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