Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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