Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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