Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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