She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
