I'm jealous of your bromance
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
