do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
