oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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