You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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