He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
do herpes really smell.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
