If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
