the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
