Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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