Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
