i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
