So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
