We're like a lot better than the average bears
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
