Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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