it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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